Afterlife Insurance

$4.99


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Why spend your entire life stuck in a stuffy church on Sundays when Afterlife Insurance is just as effective? 

Hi, I'm Joel Burubado and I'm here to offer you on opportunity to invest in your future through afterlife insurance.

Upon purchasing your cover, we guarantee* you will be satisfied with your placement in the afterlife.

Choose from the following options:
1) Heaven - eternity kissing a bearded dude's ass and a complete loss of free will.  Great climate.
2) Hell - eternity figuratively chilling with a bunch of interesting people.  Figuratively because it's actually really fucking hot.
3) Limbo - Eternal nothingness.  Nice and peaceful
4) M-M-M-M-MULTIPASS! Stroll between each option at your leisure. BEST VALUE!

Your purchase covers you for one (1) month from the purchase date.

Can't wait?  Want something now?  Don't fret!  We'll send a random sticker from our collection AND a Burubado logo sticker to each policy holder.  With Afterlife Insurance you actually get something to show for it!

*Guarantee - If you are unsatisfied with your afterlife we will happily refund all premiums - simply come back to the mortal realm and submit a claim in person and we will happily process it for you.

What's the catch?  There are none! We make planning for your afterlife simple, there are no weekly high pressure sales meetings, no forced on-selling, no invasive medicals, no need to speak to the voices inside your head and no need to waste your life fearing that you're going to piss off a deity.
Afterlife insurance, just as good as religion and none of the hassle!

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